Tuesday, May 13, 2014

2 hard years

It is a long time since I wrote something on the blog. I was busy but mostly I was trying to figure out my emotions. We had 2 hard years. Too much sad feelings for me. My dad went home in 2 months after he was feeling numb on the left side of his body. Cade would have been 1 year old. Then Dennis' mom and dad went home 2 months apart of each other. I feel a little overwhelmed. A little is a nice way to say. I really hoped to see them again this summer. I wanted so much to get to talk with them one more time, hug them one more time.One more time before the next time. I was not ready to let all those dear ones go. But this is not all about me. Yes Heaven is better than anything here on earth. I know this and I believe this but my heart is still sad. I am sad that I can't anymore share life with those so dear to my heart. I am sad that my boys will never have a chance to know them and to be impacted by them here in person. I am sad that I can't make more memories with them. No more pictures with them, no more letters with them, phone calls, visits, laughs, cries, prayers... They finished the race here...they ran well... serves me as an example.

On the other side I feel a great responsibility to talk more and more with my boys about these sweet grandparents and the legacy of faith they let for us. I need to be more intentional now to remind them of the godly lives they lived. I want for them to get to know them before they will get to see them again face to face.I want for my boys to be inspired by their grandparents walk of faith. This is a legacy that we need to pass on.

As regarding my heart... I trust that the One who has compassion on His children because He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust will bring again sunshine in it. Also I don't think that the suffering need to make us to toughen up. Suffering needs to make us more sensitive, more caring, more compassionate, more like Jesus.

“When, because of your faith, your life too becomes perceptibly different; when your reactions are quite opposite to what the situation seems to call for and your activities can no longer be explained in terms of your personality; that is when your neighborhood will sit up and take notice.  In the eyes of the world, it’s not our relationship with Jesus Christ that counts; it is our resemblance to Him.” from the book The queen and I

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