Tuesday, November 22, 2011


I didn’t write anything for a while  in here. The question I am getting all the time is how am I doing? I have good days and bad days. I miss my dad every single day. Some days I am smiling thinking how he would fix or help with some things and other times I am overwhelmed with sadness as I can’t pick up the phone and ask him what I need to know right away.  I miss more than ever his e-mails with insights and encouragements in our walk with the Lord.
Last week it was the first time in a long while that I went out to a meeting with other women from our ministry. I didn’t want to go initially as I am not very fond of the idea of crying in public. But Dennis encouraged me to go and I had a good time and I didn’t cried.
I am getting ready for Thanksgiving. It is a good preparation for me to think what I am thankful for. It is easy to focus on the thought of losing my dad and not to be thankful. I know that it will be a bitter sweet holiday, but there are still plenty of reasons to be thankful for. God gave me here on earth a wonderful dad who loved me and I prefer this than the alternative to have a distant, uncaring dad. The memories are sweet reminders of how much he cared about us and I am glad that I am his daughter.
The boys are fun.
 Yesterday Ryan came home and asked me ”What I will do when I will finish 12th grade?
I: you will go to college
Ryan: But the college is in America.
I: Yes, and you will go to America.
R: But what about Kevin and Nate they will still be in school?! Where will they go to school?
I: They will continue to go to school here.
R: I will go to America and you will be staying here?
I: Yes, you will go to college and Kev and Nate will stay here with us to finish school.
R: (with tears in his eyes): I don’t want to go by myself. I can’t go without you. What will I do alone there? I don’t want to go without you.
Dennis: started to explain that this is normal and other kids are doing that….
It didn’t help as Ryan started to cry by now.
I: (take him in my arms): I will not let you go. We will go with you don’t worry about this.
R: Will you come with me and stay with me too?
I: yes I will not let you alone.
Ryan gave me a big smile and said :I knew it that you will not leave me alone!
He is just 1st grade so college time is far away. I am sure that he will not want mom to come with him by then.

Kevin is echoing my words a lot now “ I wove (love) you mommy. I wove you. You are my boy”. I never was called a boy so this is my time.
Nathan is fascinating with mops, brooms and the vacuum cleaning. He is imitating me and get those things out 50 times a day. Don’t imagine that I clean that often but somehow he is getting a cute smile on his face and come with a mop in his hands. This is fun but the reverse side is that I get to put those cleaning tools back 50 times a day too.

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